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Why It Can Feel Lonely When You Stop Overgiving in Relationships
Summary
In this article, Janice Holland writes about the feelings of loneliness that can come with setting boundaries in relationships and the process of self-care. She explains that this is caused by the development of an identity based on making others feel seen, heard, and loved. These one-sided relationships, where only one person gives, can eventually lead to resentment and frustration. In order to make room for healthier relationships, it is important to step away from the pattern of over-giving and embrace the process of receiving. This can be difficult and uncomfortable, but the result is worth it.
Q&As
What is the key reason why loneliness is so profound at the beginning of a self-care journey?
The key reason why loneliness is so profound at the beginning of a self-care journey is because an identity based on making others feel seen, heard, understood, and wanted has been developed.
What were the childhood circumstances that caused the writer to develop a personal identity that revolved around making others feel seen, heard, understood, and wanted?
The childhood circumstances that caused the writer to develop a personal identity that revolved around making others feel seen, heard, understood, and wanted were not specified.
How do people feel when the lie that they don't need to be seen, loved, taken care of, or wanted is taken away?
When the lie that they don't need to be seen, loved, taken care of, or wanted is taken away, people will feel a strong sense of loneliness and boredom.
What is the challenge to those who feel lonely when setting boundaries and trying to create healthier relationships?
The challenge to those who feel lonely when setting boundaries and trying to create healthier relationships is to stick with it and keep the long-term gain in mind.
What kind of people will one attract when allowing others to truly see, know, and love oneself?
When allowing others to truly see, know, and love oneself, one will attract people with an equal balance of giving and receiving and life will feel good.
AI Comments
👍 This article provides a great perspective on the importance of creating a healthy balance between giving and receiving in relationships.
👎 This article does not provide any practical advice on how to start creating healthier relationship dynamics.
AI Discussion
Me: It talks about how it can feel lonely when you stop overgiving in relationships. It explains why this happens, and how it's a part of the self-care journey.
Friend: That's interesting. What are the implications of this article?
Me: Well, it's important to be aware of the loneliness that can come up when you start to set boundaries with toxic people. This loneliness is normal and comes from taking away an old identity that was built around making others feel accepted and wanted. It's important to recognize that it's part of the healing process and to stick with it, because life on the other side is far better than you ever could have imagined. It's also important to remember to allow yourself to receive from others, as that is an essential part of healthy relationships.
Action items
- Make a list of people in your life who you can reach out to for support and connection.
- Practice self-care activities that help you to feel seen, heard, and loved, such as journaling, meditation, or talking to a trusted friend.
- Set boundaries with people in your life who are not supportive or understanding of your need for self-care.
Technical terms
- Self-care
- Taking care of one's physical, mental, and emotional health.
- Boundaries
- Limits or rules that are set in order to protect oneself from being taken advantage of or hurt.
- Identity
- A sense of self that is based on one's beliefs, values, and experiences.
- Sacrifice
- Giving up something of value in order to help or benefit someone else.
- Resentment
- A feeling of anger or bitterness towards someone or something.
- Frustration
- A feeling of annoyance or dissatisfaction.
- Jealousy
- A feeling of envy or resentment towards someone else's success or possessions.
- Comfort zone
- A place or situation where one feels safe and secure.
- Pattern
- A repeated behavior or way of thinking.
- Subconscious
- Thoughts and feelings that are not consciously known or expressed.
- Lie
- An untruth or falsehood.
- Healing cycle
- The process of recovering from an illness or injury.
- Change
- The act of making or becoming different.
- Motivated
- Inspired or encouraged to do something.
- Vibration
- A frequency or energy that is emitted from something.
- Attract
- To draw or pull something towards oneself.
- Receive
- To accept or take something that is offered.