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The Problem of What Others Think
Summary
Seneca wrote a letter to his friend Lucilius about how worrying about what others think of us is a cause of suffering. Lawrence Yeo explains how this worry is due to the uncertainty of what others know of us, as we present different versions of ourselves to different people. He suggests retaining confidence without the help of substances, and retaining equanimity amongst the selves we present. He also explains that self-reflection and distancing ourselves from influences that detract from our goal of knowing ourselves can help us to gain confidence in ourselves and to not let the opinions of others tamper with our true identity.
Q&As
What is the cause of worrying about what others think?
The cause of worrying about what others think is uncertainty.
How can we reduce the fear of what others think?
We can reduce the fear of what others think by retaining a baseline of equanimity amongst the selves we present.
What can we do to retain our internal confidence without external substances?
We can retain our internal confidence without external substances by maintaining a sense of who we truly are and avoiding behavior that we find questionable in hindsight.
How do we maintain equanimity among different versions of ourselves?
We can maintain equanimity among different versions of ourselves by creating distance from those that detract from our goal and reflecting on our own behavior.
What is the goal of studying our own mind?
The goal of studying our own mind is to remove the influences that no longer serve us and allow the remainder to act as guideposts for the person we know ourselves to be.
AI Comments
👍 This article is an insightful exploration into the complexities of the human mind, and how social interactions can affect our sense of self.
👎 This article is too long-winded and does not provide any tangible solutions to the problem of worrying about what others think.
AI Discussion
Me: It's about the problem of worrying about what others think of us. It delves into the asymmetry between what we know about ourselves and the uncertainty surrounding what others know of us. It also discusses how to retain a baseline of equanimity amongst the selves we present to others and how to reduce the chances of undesirable projections from emerging.
Friend: Interesting. That's something I've thought a lot about. It's hard to not care what others think, especially in this day and age when there's so much pressure to be liked and accepted.
Me: I know. It can be difficult to navigate the various projections of ourselves and to really know who we are. That's why it's important to practice self-reflection and to distance ourselves from influences that no longer serve us. That way, we can be in touch with our true selves and have the confidence to not worry about what other people think.
Action items
- Reflect on your own behavior and identify any projections of yourself that you don't like.
- Create distance from people or situations that detract from your true self.
- Subscribe to the More To That newsletter and read the 10-page ebook on "How do you find your ideas?" to gain further insight into the problem of what others think.
Technical terms
- Seneca
- Roman Stoic philosopher
- Lucilius
- Roman statesman and friend of Seneca
- Evolutionary psychology
- The study of how evolutionary principles influence human behavior
- Hunter-gatherer
- A person who hunts and gathers food for subsistence
- Asymmetry
- A lack of balance or equality between two things
- Uncertainty
- Not knowing what will happen or what the outcome will be
- Interaction
- A two-way communication between two or more people
- Gap
- A space or interval between two points
- Context
- The circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea
- Identity
- The characteristics that make a person or thing distinct from others
- Confidence
- A feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities
- Equanimity
- Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation
- Subtraction
- The process of taking away or removing something